The Melancholy Death Of Expectations For Tim Burton Films


Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children is not exactly filled to the brim with talking points, so we reviewed the latest Tim Burton film in the style of one of the director’s own poems.

There was a director

Whose films were quite good,

With big hair and big eyes

And a love for Ed Wood.

 

But some time ago

Ol’ Tim lost his step

When he followed the money

And followed Johnny Depp.

 

Though his latest film isn’t

A total disaster

It still is a pity

It couldn’t end faster.

 

So if you have a minute

I’ll help you get filled in

On Miss Peregrine’s Home

For Peculiar Children.

 

A director like Tim

 With such imagination

Would once have been wasted

On YA adaptations.

 

Miss Peregrine is about children

With peculiar powers

Who spend an eternity

Looping the same hours.

 

Evil Peculiars want to eat them,

And to live forever,

In a film like this one,

That’s a pyrrhic endeavour.

 

How can Asa Butterfield

Make these villains relent

When he’s too busy fighting

His bad Yank accent?

 

Eva Green’s vamping

As their matriarch is matched in

The marvelous mugging

Of Samuel L. Jackson.

 

In the moments of tedium,

Exposition and strife,

Miss Peregrine has occasional

Moments of life.

 

Skeletons fighting monsters

Does strike a nice chord,

More is the pity

Tim’s direction is bored.

 

The trappings are neat

But the details are not.

Could we look at the film

Without hearing the plot?

 

So I don’t recommend

(It’s 999,999 in a million)

Miss Peregrine’s Home

For Peculiar Children.

 

 

 

Luke Dunne
About me

Luke is a writer, film addict and Dublin native who loves how much there is for film fans in his home county. A former writer for FilmFixx and the Freakin' Awesome Network, he founded Film In Dublin to pursue his dual dreams of writing about film and never sleeping ever again.

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